Cookie's NFL Investment Strategies: Week 2

Written by Cookie
Wednesday, 09 September 2009 15:52

With book sales flagging, NOLAFugees has enlisted former society columnist Cookie to invest wisely $10,000 of unsecured credit. Cookie has promised he will garner a return on investment that will exceed both the interest rate and the vig. For the benefit of our readers, Cookie has agreed to share his investment strategies in a weekly column. Here is Week 2. Last week's results on page 2.

Last week me come close to beating vig. Me only drop $280 thanks to big wager on Denver. Me rage at Detroit for spotting Saints 14 points before anthem crooner Bryan Batt get off field. Overall, though, me proud of results after long layoff. Me expect big things this week, so me suggest you get on train now.

Oakland at Kansas City (-3)
Raiders bail me out with late Sunday night cover. Me going to roll it into big road upset.
Me lay 330 on Oakland Result: Oakland 13, Kansas City 10 +300

Houston at Tennessee (-7)
Me wonder if murdered local hero Steve McNair will get full Pat Tillman treatment for Titans home opener. Both killed by friendly fire. Either way, team will be highly motivated.
Me lay 220 on Tennessee Result: Houston 34, Tennessee 31 -220

New England at New York Jets (+4)
Patriots dick around and wait for Bills to implode. It no way to win championship. Lucky for them, Jets equally adept at finding ways to lose.
Me lay 220 on New England Result: New York Jets 16, New England 9. -220

Cincinnati at Green Bay (-9)
Intriguing game. Even if Bengals throw game like last week, will they fuck up enough to blow points? Me love Vegas for infusing shit game with such drama.
Me lay 330 on Cincinnati Result: Cincinnati 31, Green Bay 24 +300

Minnesota at Detroit (+10)
Me going heavy on Favre heroics. He see last week's Drew Brees numbers against Lions and want to cash in while he can.
Me lay 330 on Minnesota Result: Minnesota 27, Detroit 13 +300

New Orleans at Philadelphia (+1)
Finally, me locate venue willing to take action on game. Me going to spend weekend as "WHO DAT" asshole.
Me lay 220 on New Orleans Result: New Orleans 48, Philadelphia 22 +200

Carolina at Atlanta (-6)
It throwback weekend in Atlanta this Sunday. Me sad they going all the way back to 1966. Heyday for me was "Stankonia"-era Outkast.
Me lay 220 on Atlanta Result: Atlanta 28, Carolina 20 +200

St. Louis at Washington (-10)
Extra half-point key in me cashing in on Redskins as they only lose to Giants by 6. Excellent work. Such efficiency already being pointed to as how Washington should be run. Citizens only need a few points to get ahead. That all we ask. Watch how well it work for Rams this week.
Me lay 220 on St. Louis Result: Washington 9, St. Louis 7. +200

Arizona at Jacksonville (-3)
Me read where mayor of Jacksonville out whoring tickets to avoid local blackout. It about to get ugly in already ugly city. Me hate to put money on Kurt Warner, but this his moment.
Me lay 220 on Arizona Result: Arizona 31, Jacksonville 17 +200

Seattle at San Francisco (-1.5)
Battle of Undefeated NFC West Titans!!! And you missed it because you not give shit about west coast football.
Me lay 110 on Seattle Result: San Francisco 23, Seattle 10 -110

Tampa Bay at Buffalo (-5)
Me not sure if Bills' piss-away show Monday sign of worse things to come. Me going to give benefit of doubt and go heavy one more time. What bad could come of betting big on the Bills?
Me lay 330 on Buffalo Result: Buffalo 33, Tampa Bay 20 +300

Cleveland at Denver (-3)
It make me weep to see "Cleveland vs. Denver" in print. Bring back grim memories of late 80s excess and exorbitant tabs at Shotgun Willie's. Elway notorious for walking check. Cleveland notorious for horrible losses.
Me lay 440 on Denver Result: Denver 27, Cleveland 6 +400

Baltimore at San Diego (-3)
Ravens look good against shitty Chiefs. Chargers look bad against shitty Oakland. Why this seem so easy?
Me lay 330 on Baltimore Result: Baltimore 31, San Diego 26 +300

Pittsburgh at Chicago (+3)
Me have strong feeling Bears put up spirited game in tribute to injured Brian Urlacher, then they collapse. Go heavy and get ready to short sell.
Me lay 330 on Chicago Result: Chicago 17, Pittsburgh 14 +300

New York Giants at Dallas (-3)
To hell with game, me want to bet heavy on punt hitting Jumbotron, or whether Tony Romo become distracted by his own overblown image.
Me lay 220 on New York Giants Result: New York Giants 33, Dallas 31 +200

Indianapolis at Miami (+3.5)
Colts can't suck yet, can they? Me say they can.
Me lay 220 on Miami Result: Indianapolis 27, Miami 23 -220

Week 1 results: (-280)
Total bankroll: $9720
Week 2: $3900 in wagers. $390 in vig.