Cookie's NFL Investment Strategies: Week 3
Written by Cookie
Thursday, 24 September 2009 16:15
Fresh off his impressive 12 for 16 run last week, Cookie returns with his selections for Week 3. Click here for previous weeks' results.
Me have glorious run last week, nailing 12 out of 16 games and hitting all me heavy bets. Me clear so much me joyfully drop 3 bills at Barely Legal. Combination of double lap dance and Dallas loss make for beautiful Sunday night. Editors tell me it bad bankroll management to spew money on strippers, but me need clear mind to continue winning ways. It ought to be covered in new health care plan.
Cleveland at Baltimore (-13.5)
Tell me what worse: Cleveland Browns or “The Cleveland Show.” Me not watch either one.
Me lay 330 on Baltimore. Result: Baltimore 34, Cleveland 3 +300
Washington at Detroit (+6)
Me love the way Redskins keep game close, whether getting points or giving. Me say Motor City fans get to hope for at least 57 minutes on Sunday.
Me lay 220 on Detroit. Results: Detroit 19, Washington 14 +200
Jacksonville at Houston (-4)
Houston look impressive last week. Time to disappoint fans at home.
Me lay 220 on Jacksonville. Result: Jacksonville 31, Houston 24 +200
Atlanta at New England (-4)
Me give Brady one more week, then he dead to me. If Tiger Woods can fuck international blonde trophy wife on gimpy knee and still cash in, why Brady not able?
Me lay 330 on New England. Result: New England 26, Atlanta 10 +300
Green Bay at St. Louis (+7)
Look for Aaron Rodgers to get ass in gear after shit 2nd half last week. You look, because me sure as fuck not going to watch.
Me lay 440 on Green Bay. Result: Green Bay 36, St. Louis 17 +400
New York Giants at Tampa Bay (+7)
Ahh, Eli. You keep me Sunday high going by pissing in Jerry Jones eye with game-winning drive. When they give tours of ruins of Big New Stupid Stadium, they going to blame you for engineering fall of American Empire. Wade Phillips probably think he can stop immigration with last second time outs.
Me lay 330 on New York Giants. Result: New York 24, Tampa Bay 0 +300
Tennessee at New York Jets (-3)
Enjoy your 15 minutes, Sanchez. Pretty soon, you going to be as forgotten in minds of New Yorkers as Lisa Lisa, Paul Rodriguez, and Rosita.
Me lay 220 on New York Jets. Result: New York Jets 24, Tennessee 17 +200
Kansas City at Philadelphia (-8.5)
Michael Vick told he going to be centerpiece of Wildcat offensive scheme. Vick want no part. He say it violation of me parole. (Fuck off. Bill Simmons probably make joke just as lame.) But seriiously folks, Matt Cassel no Brees, but Eagle defense look vile Sunday.
Me lay 330 on Kansas City. Philadelphia 34, Kansas City 14 -330
San Francisco at Minnesota (-7)
Gore v. Peterson. Running back wars. It come down to which stubborn quarterback try to be hero and turns ball over 4 times. Who you think that might be?
Me lay 220 on San Francisco. Result: Minnesota 27, San Francisco 24 +200 (Ha, Favre! Your heroics irrelevant against spread!!)
New Orleans at Buffalo (+6)
No doubt T.O. seethe with jealousy that he not part of well-oiled Saints offense. At night he dream of being able to single-handedly fuck up offense that good with dissension and distraction. Undermining Garcia, McNabb and Romo mere child’s play. Brees big fish.
Me lay 330 on New Orleans. Result: New Orleans 27, Buffalo 7 +300
Chicago at Seattle (+2.5)
Bears kicker Robbie Gould look like nerd/hero from some John Hughes movie. Me hate him except he come through big time for me last week by burying Steelers. He not going to get that chance this week.
Me lay 220 on Seattle. Result: Chicago 25, Seattle 19. -220
Pittsburgh at Cincinnati (+4.5)
Steeler redemption coming up here. They not think twice about snapping Carson Palmer in two.
Me lay 220 on Pittsburgh. Result: Cincinnati 23, Pittsburgh 20 -220
Denver at Oakland (+1.5)
Me proud of Oakland upset pick last week. Still, Jamarcus Russell go 7/24. If me not know better, me think Al Davis himself had action in Vegas to pull that game out. No more. Broncos continue September brilliance.
Me lay 330 on Denver. Result: Denver 23, Oakland 3 +300
Miami at San Diego (-5.5)
Me wonder how sad LL Cool J is after Phillip Rivers fail to go all “Phillip Rivers” last week against Baltimore. If Miami can lose by 4 to Colts, they can lose by 4 to Chargers. And that all they need to do.
Me lay 220 on Miami. Result: San Diego 23, Miami 13 -220
Indianapolis at Arizona (-2.5)
(thoughts while anthem plays):
Warner: Jesus (sincerely), why that asshole Manning get all the endorsements?
Manning: Jesus (blasphemously), why me only have one Super Bowl ring like that asshole Warner?
Me lay 220 on Indianapolis. Result: Indianapolis 31, Arizona 10 +200
Carolina at Dallas (-9)
As much as me love to see Romo embarrassed in another prime-time game, league can’t afford to strip America’s Team of gloss so early in season. Expect delusions of glory to infiltrate Big New Stupid Stadium, at least for this week.
Me lay 330 on Dallas. Result: Dallas 21, Carolina 7 +300
Week 3: Results: +2210
Total Bankroll: $14360-$200(Cuban cigars for NOLAFugees Senior Editor)= $14160
Overall record against spread: 33 for 48
Week 2 results: +$2430
Total Bankroll: $12150- $300(stress relief)= $11850
Total wagered for Week 3: $4100 + $410 vig.
| < Prev | Next > |
|---|
