Cookie's NFL Investment Strategies: Week 5

Written by Cookie
Thursday, 08 October 2009 14:03

A little humbled after last week, Cookie returns with confidence for Week 5. At 38-24, he is still winning over 60% against the spread.

Week 1-2 results Week 3 results Week 4 results

Me have rough time of it last week, but variance part of game. Me betrayed by teams who not passionate enough to cover spread in final minutes--me talking to you, Jets! Sean Payton do everything in power to keep game close and you still shit bed.

Still heavy loss still not as big as heavy wins from previous 2 weeks, so me still working with house money.

Cincinnati 3-1 at Baltimore 3-1 (-8.5)
Bengals gratefully accept gift last week. Ravens not so charitable as Browns.
Me lay 330 on Baltimore Result: Cincinnati 17, Baltimore 14   -330

Cleveland 0-4 at Buffalo 1-3 (-6)
Me read where NFL stepping up security in stadiums due to rumors of potential terrorist activity. The way these two teams running, me advise staying far away.
Me lay 220 on Buffalo Result: Cleveland 6, Buffalo 3   -220

Washington 2-2 at Carolina 0-3 (-3.5)
Vegas finally catch on to Redskins wily ways working spread. Me still like getting more than field goal.
Me lay 220 on Washington Result: Carolina 20, Washington 17   +200

Pittsburgh 2-2 at Detroit 1-3 (+10.5)
Steelers help me avoid total disaster last week. No reason they not lay waste to Lions.
Me lay 220 on Pittsburgh Result: Pittsburgh 28, Detroit 20   -220

Dallas 2-2 at Kansas City 0-4 (+9)
Matt Cassel dead to me. He play final drive last week like he not even know point spread at stake. Guess that what happens when you lack college experience with point shaving.
Me lay 440 on Dallas Result: Dallas 26, Kansas City 20   -440

Oakland 1-3 at New York Giants 4-0 (-15)
Jamarcus Russell completion percentage looking worse than Major League shortstop batting average. Meanwhile, Giants want to make statement before marching into New Orleans next week.
Me lay 330 on New York Giants Result: New York Giants 44, Oakland 7  +300

Tampa Bay 0-4 at Philadelphia 2-1 (-15)
Another shit game in a week filled with them. McNabb probably get hurt again, but Eagles win easy.
Me lay 220 on Philadelphia Result: Philadelphia 33, Tampa Bay 14   +200

Minnesota 4-0 at St. Louis 0-4 (+10.5)
Favre nearly give me great moment in sports gambling with bonehead 3rd and 10 bomb at end of game last week. God knows what he do dicking around with 10.5 point spread, but for now me have to believe.
Me lay 330 on Minnesota Result: Minnesota 38, St. Louis 10  +300

Atlanta 2-1 at San Francisco 3-1 (-3)
Me believer in 49ers. Just don't make me have to watch game.
Me lay 220 on San Francisco Result: Atlanta 45, San Francisco 10   -220

Houston 2-2 at Arizona 1-2 (-5.5)
Me have feeling Cardinals season about to be lost in desert.
Me lay 220 on Houston Result: Arizona 28, Houston 21   -220

New England 3-1 at Denver 4-0 (+3)
It appear Broncos still have heavy sway over league. Is smart money on further eroding infallibility of Tom Brady? Pats never play their best at Mile High (sorry, Invesco), Then again, maybe Dallas just suck.
Me lay 330 on New England Result: Denver 20, New England 17   -330

Jacksonville 2-2 at Seattle 1-3
God knows why there no line yet on game. Maybe there dispute about whether to bother even playing.

Indianapolis 4-0 at Tennessee 0-4 (+4)
Last week me lose ass on premise that no way Titans go 0-4. This week me say Colts looking at 5-0.
Me lay 440 on Indianapolis Result: Indianapolis 31, Tennessee 10   +400

New York Jets 3-1 at Miami 1-3 (+2)
Me not want to say Sanchez shaken up after ass-whipping by Saints defense, but me hear Monday morning he out in front of Lowe's on Elysian Fields looking for work hanging drywall. Still, strong Jet defense going to stifle Dolphins.

Me lay 330 on New York Jets Result: Miami 31, New York Jets 27   -330

Current Bankroll: $12360 (+2360 for season) Week 5 Results: 5-8 (-910)

Total wagered for Week 5: $3500 + $350 vig = $3850

Record against spread: 38-24 (61.3%)